File Listing and Master Timeline
ahr amw BARB cmc epc mhls rrfu skh tcmh

Family & Children's Service of Ithaca

Bad Trip Records

YOU THRILLED to the conceptual adventure and intellectual rigor of
Richard Meltzer's Aesthetics of Rock!

YOU GASPED at the power and redolence of Lester Bangs'
Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung!

YOU RECOILED at the horror of

... ...

... that was your brain after exposure to "rock criticism" ...


... PREPARE YOURSELF to enter the bizarre world of ...


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Bonze Anne Rose Blayk

The comments I added to these notes, highlighted in yellow,
were prepared for my therapist in April 2010.

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DSM-IV 309.0 - Adjustment Disorder

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DSM-IV 300.4 - Dysthymia
DSM-IV 304.3 - Cannabis Dependence


Welcome to your pigeonhole... sucker.
3 X "Kevin".

>>>>> USERS ARE LOSERS <<<<<


A letter from my favorite Registered Nurse

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DSM-IV 300.4 - Dysthymia
DSM-IV 304.3 - Cannabis Dependence
DSM-IV 301.83 - Borderline Personality Disorder

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Amari had loaned me a copy of the DSM-IV so I could go over it and try to decide which diagnoses best fit me. I decided that Dysthymic Disorder was reasonably close, and I was told that would be my diagnosis.

Statements made prior to this session:
Amari: "If you can't abstain from smoking pot, we'll need to have you evaluated by a substance abuse specialist. We can't treat someone who's been diagnosed with Cannabis Dependence."

Statements made during this session:
Amari: "We just need to get this done before our sessions can continue ... diagnosis doesn't matter."
Amari: "Um... do you think you might suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder?"
Bonze: "Ha! NO WAY!"

I was suckered into "treatment" for which I did not contract, for Borderline Personality Disorder and Cannabis Dependence, because like any ordinary dumbfuck I was not aware of the meaning of the diagnostic codes. I signed off on the document, even though I thought the Goals were pretty dumb -- "long-standing feelings of low self-esteem"? Huh? Good Lord, I didn't use cocaine Back in The Day because I knew I was full of myself, and didn't need that character attribute aggravated! -- because "diagnosis does not matter."

Note especially that the Objectives refer to "substance use" rather than substance "abuse" or "dependence".

Bait. And. Switch. The elements of fraud? "Suppressio veri, Suggestio falsi", present and accounted for.

This is not just negligence, it's not merely ordinary incompetence; it's criminal fraud.

            - bonze Anne Rose Blayk, 4/13/10

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"... the appropriate medication, used in its [cannabis'] place,
might promote his change process."


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"Marijuana is serving as a crutch for you..."
- "Would you kick the crutches out from under a cripple?" -
I responded... because I was reacting critically to this "metaphor"...

You see, I was thinking of my friend with spina bifida...
who is awesomely functional ... but CANNOT WALK without crutches.
"Would you deny a cripple his crutch?"
- No m'am, that ain't nowhere near what I said.

(NB: All the other "quotations" in these notes are likewise unreliable.)

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Note how "Kevin 'Bonze' Saunders" becomes "Kevin Saunders" from here on in...
following the "key disclosure re hist. of tranvestic behaviors".
Bye Bye Bonze! 1

... oddly enough I am still referred to as "B" or "BS" in these notes. ???

I had thought there was no evidence in these notes that it had been repeatedly suggested to me that I give Sue the boot, e.g., "Why don't you take her possessions and put them out on the sidewalk?" Which had left me mystified, because I had never said that I wanted to terminate our relationship!
But indeed... there is evidence for this above:
"... reconsider taking steps to have Susan removed..."


... do I catch on that I'm being lied to and manipulated by a "therapist" who is incapable of listening to what I'm saying?


That's because I'm PARANOID, amirite ?-)

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Thumb HIV Test / Enema bottles receipt

Why am I getting the HIV test?
I was going to pieces physically, it's a plausible hypothesis.
The rash on my ass and the numbness and the PARANOIA...
... and one of my best friends recommended that I get it done.

So what are the enemas for? FUN?
I hadn't passed anything for a week. A whole week!
Was I scared?
I was scared spitless by my physical condition... you betcha.


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"2-6-97 ----> Client arrested for allegedly having set fire
to S's past place of residence."

Why did I set fire to the trailer?

Because this is what I saw inside after I broke into it:

The Tableaux Within The Trailer

... and because on top of a rather improbable chain of circumstances,
beginning four weeks prior my mind had been blown wide open
by prolonged exposure to a synthetic hallucinogen: MY FIRST EVER:
mCPP, the primary byproduct of the drug Trazodone,
which I had taken with Prozac as prescribed.
(and no, I was not smoking pot at that time)
And the can WAS full of an inflammable substance!


More information on the nature of the insanity plea in New York
and my own case can be seen at


(The instructions are notes I provided for a painter, OK ?-)

After 29 sessions @ $20 = $580 out-of-pocket expense...

+ 3 sessions = $80 total for a "marijuana dependence" diagnosis
by an "expert in assessing drug abuse issues"...
... whose outcome was foreordained by the prior F&CS diagnosis ...

... we get an expert assessment ...

DUCK - CYA incoming!

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"Kevin... Kevin... Kevin... Kevin..." 10X.
Bonze? ZERO.

Q: Did I use the name "Kevin" even once while in therapy here?
A: Figure it out!

Saunders Bonze Ithaca Phone Book listing - 1994

When a therapist uses the first-person mode of address,
and can't even get your name right...


... the Three-Way Train Wreck ...

Medical Records

For a summary of my own statements and writings
on my illness of January-February 1997, please see


1. "Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers… which smell bad." - Spock, in "I, Mudd."

NB: The following speculation rests on several premises:

  1. I always found the idea that Susan engaged in bestiality highly unlikely;
  2. Susan initially insisted to me that I should "never dress when I am around!" but eventually became kind of accustomed to me dressing on those rare occasions (depressives are like that) when she would leave the house for a few hours to (say) facilitate the weekly meeting of the Task Force for Battered Women? On January 24, 1996, for the first time ever, Susan dressed me and used me as her "dog," and I fucking loved it!,
  3. Ithaca / Dysthaca only has about 30,000 permanent residents, Susan was famous, and it is perhaps the most gossipy burg in America!

- AnneRose Blayk, June 3, 2018.

PS: My nickname in grade school was… SPOCK! Possibly because he was always too busy crying whenever it was up to somebody (Captain James T. Kirk!) to save the ship? LOL!

So 20 years after the fact - I at long last figure out "what the hell was going on there!" Susan had once related to me how "I had a dog… his name was Pete, he wore a scarf around his neck. I lost him at a party we had gone to." [paraphrase]

So I figure, sure, Susan, who was living near Groton, New York at her place out in the country in an area called "Pirate's Hill," had a hippie type dog, "like a Labrador Retriever, right?," and typically enough for such puppies she put a scarf around his neck. Right?

Well, after the arson I'm hanging out with my former wife AnneMarie Whelan and her partner Steve Gilson, and Steve relates how the local kids who vandalized her home there - and drove her into the clutches of a fellow who wound up being extremely unkind to her (by her statements) - had done so because "They saw her fucking her dog!"

I responded, "I think they deserve to be shot! for doing that!"… thinking, "Bestiality is pretty icky, but who gives THESE kids the right to play peeping-tom?" That's GROSS in and of itself!

BUT NO! It turns out that in the lower-class sneaky-field in which those folks dwell, the "dog" in this case is a BOY who the girl contracts out… as a male prostitute!, collecting the money and then sharing it back with the boy - to avoid the appearance of a criminal offense being committed?

AND… Amari Meader was AWARE of this being the case with Susan Hamann, and at this point in which I relate that I wear women's clothing, she freaks out, and rather than informing me of the background here, relating to me as a human being with the ability to form my own judgments on the matter, take it up with Susan in a responsible manner, she ups the pressure on me to dump Susan Hamann like an animal, to throw her out on the street - without letting ME know WHY.

WHY are therapists permitted to treat others like dumb animals? WHY.

There is no reasonable answer: it's because they have become addicted to the privilege of feeling superior to others!

Sincerely - and sincerely outraged,
- Bonze Anne Rose Blayk - June 8, 2016


"... OMG IT'S BACK ..."



Updated 4/2/14, 6/8/16, 6/3/18
(from private webtext dating back to 2011)